Finland is my country
I didn't always like living in Finland
Helsinki is my home. That sentence sounds insane to me when I think about my life. Like seriously? Finland? Where is that? I was barely aware of its existence. Yet here I am now, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I have my routines. I have my home. I have a vision. I’m happy.
But if I’m honest with you, I didn’t always feel so positive about living here. There was a time when everything felt so foreign and confusing. I was constantly lost, constantly feeling isolated. I was lonely. If that wasn’t enough, homesickness was a pit in my stomach. I missed my friends and family. I had to contend with the strangeness of the culture and its people.
Living in a new culture might not feel very difficult. I’m sure there is truth to it if you go to a place similar to the one you just left. However, when it’s entirely new, it can feel disorienting. You feel like a child who doesn’t know the most basic things. I remember being in a grocery store to buy milk and not knowing which one was the bloody milk. Not to mention, it can feel more difficult than usual to approach people. I’m naturally more extroverted, and it was draining in the beginning, even for me. Sure, it had a lot more to do with the thoughts running through my head. But I didn’t know that.
Those were some dark days. But me being me meant that I tried very hard to see the bright side of things.
Getting used to a physical environment is pretty straightforward. You spend time learning your surroundings and you should be good to go. The emotional/mental plane in a new country on the other hand, is a complex, weaving web. Submerging yourself in a culture is way more challenging when the only thought running through your head is: “These people are weird.” That thought resonated through me very often in the early days. I would say that my biggest shock was how reserved people were here. Yes, in the early days - I shudder to admit this - I committed the sin of speaking to people on the bus. It makes me cringe just saying it. I purposely sat next to a lady, plastered a smile on my face and said: Hi, how are you today?
How times have changed.
My story is one of stepping out into the unknown world of Northern Europe, where people are as different from me as different can be. I’m originally from South Africa where the people are incredibly different. Way more outgoing and vibrant in a way. Seeing a lack of that in folk on this side of the world rattled me a little. Then my eyes began to open and I understood the first bit of truth: Moving to a new country and expecting the same life you left will leave you feeling disappointed.
So the first thing I had to do was let go of my old life and focus on building a new one. Practically it meant not calling the place I left home anymore. That might sound extreme or like a betrayal. But in my opinion, it’s not and I didn’t betray anyone. I just settled my heart and decided to not live in the past anymore. It was only from that point that I started to truly enjoy my life here.
I began to pay closer attention to the things I enjoyed. Then I would compare them to the things I didn’t enjoy. Most of the time, the pros outweigh the cons. An example would be: Yes, it gets really cold and dark during wintertime. Yes, it is rough at times. Yes, it can feel draining. On the flip side, only one thing has ever been stolen from me - sort of - because it wasn’t actually mine. That was a bicycle - which is actually quite common here. That’s a story for another time.
Finland is a majority white country - as one would expect it to be. Just like Namibia is a majority black country. Coming from a heavily racially divided place myself, I did expect some kind of racial prejudice to be aimed my way. But in my head, it was another thing I would place on the scale. If the burden of living here was heavier than the gift of living here… I would get out. Simple as that. But to my delighted surprise, no one gave a shit. That brought more insight into the type of people I was adopting as my neighbours. They simply wanted to live their own lives without being caught up in someone else’s without choosing to.
Slowly but surely, I began to fall in love with this place.
No, it’s not the most hustling and bustling city out there. You won’t find it on the news very often. But it’s calm, quiet, and peaceful. There are places you can go if you want an extra dose of spice. Alternatively, you can live your life in relative peace - knowing that most people want to do the same thing.
So yes, Helsinki is my home, and this somewhat obscure country to many across the planet… is my country.